There is nothing more pathetic, more worthless, more completely shite than somebody that writes a blog apologising for not having updated their blog. So, here we go. Sorry for not updating the blog. Actually, there is something more pathetic than the above. It’s when the blogger goes on to blame their lack of activity on having been ‘busy’.
I’ve been busy.
Busy, but also a bit lazy. Look, I’m here now. Stop bollocking on about it.
This weekend, I was at a 40th birthday party in London. There were a lot of my friends there, it was a great night. (So great, in fact, that I apparently spent the final hour of it jumping up and down with a full face Cookie Monster mask on. See banner image. It was that kind of night.) I’ve only really got two friends that are bothered about keeping fit. That’s not to say that the rest of them are all useless fucking idiots. But they are. Anyway, I was chatting to them both about running and naturally brought up Freeletics. And I discovered that trying to describe Freeletics to someone that’s never heard of it is quite difficult.
I don’t mean in terms of the workouts. It’s more of a general lack of understanding about why you’d want to put yourself through something that is, a lot of the time, incredibly hard. I was telling them about Aphrodite, and trying to get across how hard it is when you push yourself. I guess I was using a lot of phrases like ‘fucking nightmare’, because when I’d finished I was asked, “why do you do it then?”.
It’s a fair question. Going for a run is enjoyable. I’m very lucky to be one of those people that rarely finds it a grind. I love being outside, don’t mind a bit of mud and pretty much always feel better both during and after. But Freeletics isn’t like that. To be honest, there are times when I really hate myself for doing it. (These times usually appear to coincide with doing more than a hundred burpees.) There are some workouts that I quite enjoy, but there are no easy ones. There are some that I actively loathe, but I still do them. But, fundamentally, why do it?
Because it actually works. Right now I’m at the same point as I was when I had to stop doing the Coach – 8 weeks in. And yes my body has changed, but more than that, I’ve changed. I’m a person that takes my fitness seriously. I’m not playing around, doing a little bit here and there when I feel like it. I made the commitment, and it feels great. So yes, there are times when the pain is horrible, there are times when your mind is screaming at you to stop. But you don’t, and you get stronger.
It’s a great feeling.
I’m sorry if that all sounds like I’m some kind of cheerleader for Freeletics. I’m not. Personally, I don’t think they’ve got their business model quite right and there are some things about it that have irritated me. (Having said that, if anyone from Freeletics is reading and would like to pay me money to write about it, please get in touch. Ignore what I said there about your business model, I think it’s great. No hard feelings? Come on, give us a cuddle.) All I can say is that it’s made a difference for me, and I think it could for anyone provided you can make the commitment. I do kind of miss not being able to use the app and connect with people on there, which is probably one reason why I keep up with the blog. (Except for when I don’t…)
On that subject, I wanted to say a huge ‘thank you’ to everybody that’s emailed me over the last few weeks and months. It’s fucking mind blowing to be honest; twelve months ago I was lucky to get a couple of hundred hits a month. I get thousands now, and it’s really great to hear from you all. And from all over the world as well. Please keep them coming – I may not always be the quickest to respond, and I do talk a lot of shit. But it’s nice to talk to people about being an old bastard who’s desperately trying to avoid the middle aged spread.
On the train home from London yesterday, I read an email from Freeletics about alcohol. COINCIDENCE? Is someone from Freeletics reading my blog and STEALING MY IDEAS? (Again, if this is the case, I’m perfectly prepared to sacrifice all journalistic integrity in return for a cheque. Really can’t emphasise that enough.) Anyway, when I read the email, I had a pretty awful hangover. The 40th birthday party was in a nice little bar right by London Bridge. And yes, despite my last blog post, I did have quite a lot to drink. It was a one off. Okay? Look, when someone keeps putting glasses of Tallisker in your hand, it would be the very height of rudeness not to drink them and then immediately ask for another. But it’s back to comparative abstinence for me. Bollocks.
Right, workouts for the last couple of weeks then. Going to skim over this a bit for two reasons: firstly because I’ve got to go out in about ten minutes and secondly because I’m hoping you won’t realise that I’ve been slacking off a bit.
Monday: Run, 5.6 miles at 7:50/mile pace
Tuesday: Aphrodite – 27:50 (star AND ANOTHER PB!)
Thursday: Hera – 18:40 (star and equalled previous PB)
Saurday: Run, 3.7 miles at 8:47/mile pace
Sunday: Poseidon – 5:10 (PB) and Metis – 6:58
So, not too bad. But things got a bit worse the following week.
Tuesday: Uranos – 26:14 (equalled previous PB)
Wednesday: Metis – 6:13 and Poseidon – 5.00 (PB)
Friday: Aphrodite – 28:01 (star)
And, er, yeah… That’s all I did last week. No excuses, it was a bit shit.
Well, it’s Monday. I suppose you probably need some techno. What’s that? YES YOU DO. SHUT UP AND EAT YOUR TECHNO. Oliver Huntemann made this just for you.